People, even bullies, come in all sizes, shapes and colors. Diversity and the variety of cultures, beliefs, and abilities are what make a country and a nation strong. But sometimes that diversity, those differences, can become painful. This is the case with bullying. When people hear the word ‘bully’ they automatically think of the school-yard variety. You know the one: crossed arms, flat top hair cut, lip stuck out, tapping his foot while he watches you eat worms. But there are other types of bullying that even adults can experience, and often it is more subtle, and may I suggest, more devastating when it happens in the workplace. What is a person to do?

The rules for engagement, or non-engagement, are the same as for the school yard bully. First, do your best to be kind to everyone, even those you do not consider close friends. Be polite and civil, even if you do not wish to spend a lot of time with someone. If there is a bully in your school, talk to a counselor, teacher or administrator. You do not have to accept bullying in an attempt to “be nice.” This behavior needs to stop before someone is hurt because bullying always escalates. This is true whether you are in the workplace or in a school situation.

The Anatomy of a Bully

Bullies at their core are insecure. Most psychologists agree that the typical bully is most likely being intimidated or bullied at home. Somewhere in their background their lurks a bully, whether that was a parent or a sibling. Children live what they learn; and if they are learning aggressive behavior, then that is what they turn around and use to relate to people. Instead of using compliments, acknowledging the other person’s needs, their only ability to lead or exert control is to belittle or threaten the other person. It is a sad fact that most people above the age of five years of age have experienced bullying at least one or more times.

And I’ve observed that some people just seem to attract bullies. I am not being scientific here, but I have witnessed people being bullied, have attempted to speak to them about standing up for themselves, but instead I ended up being their champion. This takes me aback, to be honest. Children from an environment where aggression is the norm possibly become either a perpetrator of the aggression, or a victim.  Don’t YOU be either one.

Dealing with Bullies

1. When a co-worker, or even a boss, says something that seems threatening or intimidating you have a right to speak to that person in a civil and controlled manner. If they are your supervisor that does NOT give them the right to treat you with disrespect and to threaten. For severe cases you can go the union, if one exists, human resources, or retain a lawyer.

2. In school, you should go to speak to someone in authority, even if you don’t have proof. So many times, especially in school, the bully will tell you that no one will believe you. This is just another tactic to save their hide. Don’t fall for it. Tell someone. Bullies cannot operate when the light of day is shed on their activities.

3. Leave. This seems extreme but if you just cannot bring yourself to speak to someone in authority, or have a friend do so, then it may be that the only way to survive and thrive is to move away from the problem. Just keep in mind that often the problem (meaning YOU) moves with you.

Bullying has received a lot of attention over the years, especially in regard to school bullies. However, bullies come in all shapes and sizes. They exist in supermarket check-out lines, taxi lanes, workplaces, and in all of the places where people work and play. How you choose to deal with them reveals the type of person you are, and the true character of a person is defined, I believe, in their gracious actions toward others, even when those others have been less than gracious to you.

Live well. Live life on the Manners side,

Liz

*For more information on manners all things etiquette visit my website: www.elitemannersschoolofetiquette.com